Toxic Personalities and Healthy Relationships: The Art of Managing Negative Energy

The compilation you are about to read is a piece put together by me, drawing from various sources. I am writing this compilation with the hope that it will be useful. Because I receive emails that describe people with the characteristics you are about to read below.

In my over 60 years of age, I have encountered such individuals from time to time. Perhaps, the main reason that compels me to compile this is this. One can be bewildered when getting involved with them frequently. There are times when, no matter what you do, no matter how well-intentioned you are, in the end, you are always blamed.

I know and I am aware that this is related to the person’s personality, character, and temperament. Maybe they have childhood traumas. Perhaps, the life experience filled with negativity in later years has led them to be that way. Maybe they have different sources of nourishment. They are individuals who derive pleasure from unhappiness rather than happiness. In fact, they accept unhappiness as happiness.

Experts call individuals with such character traits “toxic people.” There is also a concept of a toxic personality. They describe individuals with this personality as follows: “They are individuals who often see their failures and unhappiness as a mirror reflected in the other person.” It doesn’t stop here; “They often don’t settle for just that; they do everything in their power to make the other person unhappy, upset, and pull them down, and they never hesitate to harm for their gain.”

But what is to be done then? How can we cope with these kinds of individuals who are somehow connected by fate, who have the same nature, belong to the same family, work in the same company, or are part of the same community? This compilation is made for this purpose.

First, let’s list the characteristics of these individuals:

1. They want to manipulate and control their interlocutor. They exploit their feelings based on their well-being; they provoke, play the victim, distort what they say, and make them feel guilty.
2. They do not apologize. They do not apologize and cannot apologize, no matter how wrong they are, as they see an apology as a threat to their self-confidence. On the contrary, they increase their anger, rage, hatred, and resentment.
3. They reflect or try to reflect their negative feelings onto the other person and enjoy it.
4. Although they are the cause of negative situations, they may act as if nothing happened.
5. They are never satisfied with anything and constantly complain.
6. They do not accept a “no” for an answer. They act as if they are at the center of the world, and everyone has been created to serve them and fulfill their desires.
7. They are uncomfortable with the success of others. They are in constant competition both mentally and physically. When you share your joy, the reaction you will get is a sullen face and an insincere “congratulations.”

As you can imagine, these characteristics do not manifest equally in everyone. Everyone’s level can be different on a scale from 1 to 10. Therefore, experts mention these 7 characteristics of toxic personalities that are impossible to help. This means that if there are such people around us, the best thing to do is to protect our boundaries. Who are these people we cannot help?

1. A person who says, “I am a bad person.”
2. A person who always says, “I am right.”
3. A person who lies and deceives others.
4. A person who does not respect your boundaries and insists constantly despite saying “no.”
5. An unfaithful, ungrateful, and ungrateful person.
6. A suspicious, judgmental person who constantly looks for flaws and faults under everything.
7. You cannot help a person who cannot complete what they start, who gets tired very quickly, in other words, a person with a short attention span.

When it comes to individuals we must continue our relationship with, either frequently or occasionally, and those we can help to some extent, the recommendations from experts regarding setting boundaries and protecting ourselves are as follows:

1. Do not promise anything you cannot fulfill. Promise as much as you can and deliver, or ask for help from others.
2. Do not be an overly pessimistic and constantly negative person.
3. Do not always see yourself as right just because the other person has a toxic personality. Perhaps, there may be points where they are right. Therefore, lend an ear to criticism. Listen, watch, read, improve yourself, and if you admit that you have done wrong or think wrongly, correct it right away.

As a personal addition to expert opinions, I would like to say the following: the world does not revolve around me. I am just one of 8 billion people living on Earth right now. I have a lifetime that is as short as the gap between two breaths. I took a breath, but I couldn’t exhale it; I exhaled, but I couldn’t take it in. This is life, as short as the gap of two breaths. As Cahit Sıtkı Tarancı beautifully puts it:

‘What can you do, death is over everyone’s head. You fell asleep, you won’t wake up. Who knows where, how, at what age? Your kingdom will be as long as a prayer rug, Just like a throne on that burial stone.’

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